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Getting Through the Holidays When You Are Grieving

Posted on December 9, 2016 at 1:25 PM Comments comments (0)


When I used to think of holidays, I thought about buying gifts, decorating my home, making cookies, and a lot of extra fun to enjoy with my family. Looking back, it's hard to admit that there were years after the end of my marriage when I stopped caring about the holidays and I was so depressed that it was all I could do to pretend to enthusiastically decorate my home just so that my kids had a Christmas tree up in the living room.

There are times when I wish I could fast forward from the week before Thanksgiving to the week after the New Year and forget about the whole thing. I was dealing with shattered dreams of what I thought my life would be like and the dreams of what I thought my future would hold.


It is really important to surrender to and accept that this time of year will be difficult for you this year and most likely for years to come when you are dealing with a loss such as death or divorce. I don't really know how a person can turn off the memories and emotions associated with Christmas' or holidays’ past, as well as the mourning and loss of the Christmas' and holidays we had planned for our futures; the holidays that we had hoped for when we are dealing with loss and grief.

 

I like to offer the people I work with some tools to use when they are dealing with struggles in life. One of my favorite tools is using the acronym, K.I.S.

 

Keep it simple!

 

Ask yourself if whatever the matter at hand - will matter in 5 hours, days, weeks, months, years. Keep things in perspective. Then move forward and leave that decision “as is”. Unless the issue/problem/obstacle presents itself again, there’s no need to worry or stress about it. Keep moving forward, keeping it simple.

 

Remember to be patient with yourself. Be patient with your family and be patient with all of the tears that will most likely be coming your way during this time. Accept the tears and know that the true meaning of the holidays will never disappear, it will just change the way that we celebrate. Take one day at a time and one holiday at a time. You may also experience anger or bitterness during the holidays. These are all normal feelings and it is healthy to allow them to flow through you and not hold onto them or keep them inside.



Another good way to deal with grief and loss is to surround yourself with supportive people that accept you and love you unconditionally. You may have some close friends that can be there for you and help you through these hard times. A life coach can also come alongside you and help you!
At SunRaise Academy, we offer customized coaching programs and we have FREE one on one discovery calls to talk with you and see which of our programs is the exact fit for you. Let us know how we can help you - we are listening!

Appreciation

Posted on September 26, 2016 at 11:30 AM Comments comments (0)


Did you know that many millionaires and even billionaires still feel incomplete and unsatisfied with life? It's hard to imagine because it appears they HAVE everything they need to be happy.

I am sure you can think of a few examples of numerous wealthy, famous men and women who sadly ended their life in despair feeling as if they never fully lived to their full potential. However, on the flip side, there are countless stories of those who lived a “poor” life and truly lived their life to the fullest... living content and really happy.

 

Why?

The answer is simple: They have discovered how to  truly appreciate the blessings in their life… starting with the gift of LIFE itself. With this perspective, a person choosing an empowered way of life is living full and more and in ABUNDANCE every moment of every day. After all, HAPPINESS comes from wanting all you have; instead of having all you want. In other words focus on all the good things you do have and be thankful for the blessings in your life.

 (This key of APPRECIATION is a topic covered in my Empowerment program. (Right now I am offering a  limited-time discount that will SAVE you $50 on the Living Empowered for Life Coaching Program, so if you know you're ready to make a priceless investment of a lifetime, take some time to learn more about the complete program here: bit.ly/coachingdiscount )


Are you up for a Challenge? 


Here it is: For the next 5 days, intentionally tell someone about what you appreciate in your life. Go one step more for extra credit ;) and post what you are appreciative for the next 5 days! Here's to focusing on all that's right in your life - Happy Monday! 

 


 

Grateful!

Posted on September 20, 2016 at 12:05 AM Comments comments (0)
The other day went nothing like how I planned for it to go! 

I have been at this a while. By this, I mean, homeschooling. 15 years of this (over 20 years of educational experience) and I've learned through the years to do my best to prepare and anticipate what I would like the day to go like. In addition, to this preparation, I give myself a 3 - 4 week, transition period to work out the kinks of a new school year. Each day and week, I adjust, adapt, modify my plan to improve our day. 
 
Tuesday! I was ready for this day! ( I thought...)

I had the right address for where I needed to go - unlike the week before AND I had a strategy for getting everything accomplished... All was going to my plan... and then... the smoke started coming from the engine of my van. This was not planned and  was a totally new experience. In addition, 5 out of my 6 kids were with me and I was concerned for their safety. In that moment, my plan for the day went out the window and I had to take emergency action steps to deal with what was happening. A few friends were able to rearrange their schedules to lend a hand and thankfully, everything turned out okay.

(Check out my course "Unlocking Limited Mindset" it includes a step by step process to moving forward in life even with Delays, obstacles, roadblocks and obstacles in our life.)



Sometimes it is easy to focus on all the things that went wrong in our day, week, month or bigger picture life. However, there is so much more that goes right and it is important to acknowledge these things and focus on the good in our day. This attitude of gratitude makes a huge difference in how the rest of our day turns out! 

Here's to Monday - a new start to a new school week and work week and being grateful for what we have in life! Click here for a complimentary worksheet!



Reaction verses Response

Posted on September 13, 2016 at 12:05 AM Comments comments (0)

Reaction verses Response


Have you ever been in a situation that you felt like you had no choice in the matter? Have you ever caught yourself yelling

or acting out in anger for no apparant reason? Maybe you even said later, " I'm sorry, I have no idea where that came from"

What you are experiencing is a triggered reaction that comes from the subconcious part of your mind, known as "the box you

live in", your comfort zone or  your frame of mind.


 

When you have an automatic reaction you are living within your programmed, limited frame of mind and your reaction is an

indication that it is coming from your mental frame. However, knowledge is power and when you are aware that your reaction

comes from your comfort zone then you have the power from within you to change your reaction to a response. The Choice is yours!


 

What is the difference?


A reaction takes no thought, it is automatic and is triggered on a subconscious level. This is why you can have a 0-10

anger reaction when some one rubs or triggers you the wrong way. It in retrospect it will look like an over reaction to you and

those around you.


A response is a conscious, proactive planned out reply or action that you are in control of and choose to do.


 

Recall a situation in the last week when a situation triggered an automatic reaction from you. Picture the details of

the scenario, the words that were spoken or the expressions that were exchanged that triggered you. You would have felt

like the reaction was not your fault or your choice. However, the truth is there is always a pivitol moment and you always

have a choiceYou can take responsiblity and start to take control of these situations so that you respond the way you want to in every scenario.


Use ABC to change from a reaction to response.  Click here for a worksheet


Here’s how you apply ABC: take a look back at your situation that triggered you


A-  Acknowledge the Automatic, triggered reaction

B- Breathe and Take a Break to collect yourself after you are triggered. This gives you clarity in this pivota moment to respond instead of react. 

C- Choose and Change to a loving response that you would have liked to have.


 

This is a proactive tool that will help you set up for success for the next triggered reaction. This process takes time so

be patient as you begin this step. Recognize your growth in each step. Continue to practice this tool and in

time you will begin to see results as you make empowered choices to respond in love.

 


Rerouting!

Posted on September 5, 2016 at 10:50 AM Comments comments (0)

Rerouting... 


Recently I took a trip. The morning of the trip, I pulled up the directions on my smart phone and off I went. As I started off , still close to home and with roads I was familiar with, I decided to ignore Siri’s directions and take a few short cuts… when I past up the first exit, at first, Siri prompted me  to make a u turn but soon it became evident that I was going my own way… Siri, did not panic or become irritated with me…. The GPS voice just said rerouting to a new route.


Shortly, I was back in synch with both my plans to get to my destination and the programmed destination and I was able to continue on my trip without a hitch. I bring this up because many times  we know where we want to go in life. We have goals that we are heading toward. We can picture or visualize what we want in our ideal life and begin taking the steps to get there. (mindset is a set of beliefs no matter what circumstances or challenges arise we will continue toward our vision.) Our mindset is much like Siri or a Global Positioning system … We set our goals and then our new mindset gets us to our destination.


The rerouting technique is a mental tool we can use to handle delays, obstacles, roadblocks or setbacks that will and do arise in everybody's life….


Let’s look at how this recalculating tool can help us practically in 3 main ways:

1. Modifying your plans.

2. Maintaining your plans.

3. Moving to a new plan



First, Modifying your plan. Just like when I started off on my trip and I followed my own way instead of the programmed directions and Siri was able to adjust and give me the needed steps to get to my final destination, this is how we can handle changes to our plans… This provides flexibility and allows for living in the moment. A plan that works is only good if it works for you. Sometimes a limited mindset hinders us because we feel we have to stick to the exact plan – even if it is not working the best and instead of recalculating to a modified idea we can easily get derailed or discouraged because it does not seem to be working…. However, just like a GPS, knowing that we are not set to specific path to our goal but rather we can be flexible and follow another plan to get to our result - this will significantly help in your day to day living.



Second, Maintaining your plans. When using the GPS tool,  we can confidently know that a limitless mindset is firmly set on our destination – Now, we can follow the set action plan that we have determined. You will have confidence even when unexpected circumstances come or issues that will delay you from your goals… you can get back on track because you are maintaining the set plan just like a GPS. (we offer a whole course on this called Unlocking Your Mindset – you can find out all the details on this course at  bit.ly/openDORS )



Third, Moving to a new plan. When you set action plans to reach your vision and they are just not working for you. You can decide to switch your plan completely to something that works for you. Remember that you are the only one that knows what will work best for you. If a plan is not working, then using this recalculating tool will help you change to a new plan while still keeping your vision as your desired result. There is no need to stress or get frustrated – just as Siri told me it was recalculating to a new route… this is how you can approach anything that is getting way in your way… it is up to you to recalculate to an alternate path that will still get you to your destination without being discouraged.


These 3 steps have been particularly helpful to me lately as we transition back into the busy fall/ school schedule and I handle the extra activities and new, unexpected challenges that come. I trust these steps are helpful to you as well.


(For more specifics on how to apply these check out our course “Unlocking Your Mindset” – go to bit.ly/openDORS and you will find more detais of what this course offers and how to register)

 

When it Rains, It Pours!

Posted on August 29, 2016 at 9:00 AM Comments comments (0)

When it Rains, It Pours! 

You may be familiar with the expression “when it rains it pours” and as busy adults, I believe this expression is something we can relate too well. We have talked about how to handle specific circumstances in life, such as a work related conflicts or financial situations or even a family dynamic issue that so often comes and snaps up back into our Limited Old mental frame of mind. Today,  we are going to focus on some ways to manage life’s circumstances when they all coming pouring down all at once. Let’s start by looking at the main areas of life that we need to attend to in our lives for a balanced life…

Here are the 7 areas of life: 
  1. Personal
  2. Health and Fitness
  3. Family and Relationships
  4. Professional Development/ Education
  5. Community 
  6. Rest and Recreation
  7. Financial Freedom


When you attend to each of these areas you will have a balanced life… Possibly as I listed these you thought of 1 or 2 of these categories that have some current issues. What happens when almost all or all of these areas need to be addressed all at once because of circumstances that arise?

Let me give you an example, over the last month or so I have been experiencing some stresses, to say the least. Some of these are big and some are smaller. I’ve had some health issues that have required some attention, my children have recently started back to school – and I am their home school teacher – this adds to my already busy load of single mom to 6 children, this transition from the summer to school schedule means juggling new schedules for my business, now on top of all that has been mentioned – I have extended well- meaning people in my life that continually try to tell me what is best for me and what they want me to do. In addition, I have had some pressures from my community to volunteer in areas of need. And on top of all of that, I have had quite a saga experience with my internet provider which has resulted in hours of phone time… When life is balanced and one major area has a circumstance arise we have a clearer ability to handle and deal as an empowered person.  – So how do we cope when it all comes at once? 


5 Ps to help you handle multiple circumstances in life all at once


1. Prioritize – The first step is to prioritize. Write down and map out what 7 areas need the most attention right now. This will help you not only see what area you should address first but will also give you clarity when a trouble issue arises. One way to do this is to draw a circle with 7 segments and label each segment with the 7 areas of life. Assign a number from 1-10 in each category 1 being needs the most help and 10 being you are doing well in this area.

2. Plan and prepare- I know we are talking about unexpected circumstances however the more you plan and have action steps for what you want to accomplish for your day the better you will be able to handle the unexpected. You may also notice that with planning and preparing you may actually avoid some circumstances that come up just from a lack of planning.

3. Proper boundaries – Create boundaries for yourself. Boundaries help protect and keep others from invading your personal life which adds extra stress. By defining your boundaries in situation with people in your life – work, family, friends, etc… you will know ahead of time what you can do and can not do. Boundaries are also good to clearly relate to the others in your life what you will now be living you life like … then be consistent and follow through with holding those boundaries – it is ok to say no!

4. Peace – Taking time to breathe is important… sounds like a given, however when you have things coming from all angles and it feels like you are bobbing up and down in the ocean and you are doing all you can to brace yourself and hold your breath for the next wave… you need to intentionally focus on breathing. Just 5 minutes of taking in cleansing inhales and, deeply exhaling can bring a sense of calming and peace. Allowing you wisdom you need to make decisions and to recognize that these are just moments in the day.

5. Personal commitment- 4 agreements. These are not original to me, however I attempt hold to these 4 agreements – from the book “The 4 Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz 1. Be impeccable with your words. 2. Don’t take anything personally, 3. Don’t make assumptions 4. Always do your best.


There are definitely times in life  that when it rains it pours. With these points, you can approach the storms of life from a different perspective-  a Limitless mindset that says no matter what circumstances come I am moving forward we can face these times empowered.

 


The Importance of Self Care

Posted on August 22, 2016 at 10:45 AM Comments comments (0)

 “Taking care of  Me” or Self Care…


This is one of the areas that I, personally find challenging for me. I am a busy single mom of my 6 kids from ages 7 -17 years old… and as you can imagine, I have a lot going on- just keeping up with their schedules – between work schedules, school activites, social events for my children and my own to do list … there is little time for me. And then there is time, I often hear my own,  loud mind chatter telling me that time for me is selfish and the guilt that comes when I listen to that negative chatter is sometimes enough to keep me from doing what is necessary for me and really take care of myself…

Can any of you relate to this? I can almost see your heads nodding!

Well, unfortunately and very recently, I had a blow up - a triggered, knee jerk, reaction moment --- well, truthfully,  it became bigger than a moment and it was one of those blow ups that I needed to go to everyone in my house and ask for forgiveness for the unnecessary outburst… 

After the outburst and I had a moment to apply one of the tools that I use in my life and teach to others, The Triple A Shift  (“A” Accept the automatic Reaction . “A” Acknowledge that this automatic reaction is coming from the programmed, subconscious part of me, my frame of mind. “A” Take Action to change the reaction to a loving response) it became very clear that this trigger came from the expectations of what I thought  it means to be a perfect mom – that unrealistic super mom that leaves me feeling drained… and I realized that this is an area of life that I need to address and quick… You see, it had been a long time between all my work and family responsibilities that I really took care of me. This is one of the basic steps to success – set aside time for you… and yet it can be the easiest step to forget.

Here are 3 points to focus on to take care of you that we can apply as part of our regular routine of setting aside time for yourself .


The Three R’s of Self Care:


1. Release fear, worry and stress caused by guilt, criticism and resentment to name just a few.


2. Relax and rest your mind, body and spirit.


3. Receive love by giving back to yourself.


As you set aside time for yourself and incorporate these 3 R’s into your daily practice it is important to set up an atmosphere that will be uninterrupted as you focus on you. When you take time- remember to begin with practical ways that you can take care of you each day. What I mean is, initially, for some of us,  you may only be able to take 5 minutes for yourself as you get used to this new healthy habit.

Be consistent, patient and gentle with yourself … you are worthy and deserving of this time for you! You will see a profound positive affect on all aspects of your life including: emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, sexually, creatively and financially to name just a few.


Meditation, movement and music are also great additions to add to your daily routine. It is important to take care of yourself by surrounding yourself with supportive relationships as well. Regularly take time to meet with like- minded, supportive people.  These are just a few suggestions and there are many ways to take time for you – the important thing is to focus on these 3 R’s – release, relax and receive love. 



 Click here for a Stressfree Checklist and Worksheet

Blinders, Ear Plugs and a Plan

Posted on August 15, 2016 at 8:10 AM Comments comments (0)

There will always be something/s  that will come up in life that wasn't part of your plan. 

Do you ever feel like everything and maybe everyone is against you? I mean, you know it is not EVERYthing or EVERYone... but it sure does feel like it... And this feeling doesn't come when things are calm and life is smooth - it happens when your world is being turned upside down. Maybe it's a move or job change or breaking up with a partner... You know the feeling ? Like you just can't catch a break? 

 Me too! 

 What I just described is how life has felt for me for about the last year. Come to think of it - those 3 things are exactly some of the unforseen circumstances that have come into my life lately. (Don't get me wrong - there has been plenty of things going right and many things I am thankful for!)  Let's face it, it is hard to stay positive and living empowered when you are feeling weighed down, drained from circumstances and people and if you are lacking support. And it is okay to acknowledge the unexpected twists for what they are in that moment - sucky! 

Here's where I used to stay ... focused on all the things that were going "wrong". Most of us are uncomfortable and even resistant to change and yet change is a part of life. There is a saying, "When everything changes, change everything" and this has made a difference for me. 

 

3 things that have become a part of my new way of facing challenges.

1. Blinders: The acknowledgment that only I know what is best for me and that I need to focus on my situation. So many times, it is easy to get caught up comparing or looking at others for validation. This can leave you feeling insecure and ultimately you can get stuck in a people pleasing spiral. Virtual blinders make it easy to stay focused on what I need to do in my life to get from point A to point B. 


2. Earplugs:  The awareness that thoughts and words are powerful messages that can affect my life. Sometimes messages come from the world around us... The negative opinions or judgments that others may say (intentionally or unintentionally) drag us down and hold us back. And a lot of times we are our worst critic and enemy - constantly repeating negative mind chatter. What we think in our minds is what we become. Internal earplugs will tune out negative messages that will keep us from moving forward. 


3. A Plan: The action steps needed to get back on track and move forward. Many times, lacking a plan of action is not only what holds us back but it also adds to the chaos and feeling that everything is falling apart. If you don't have a plan, make one! If you have one that is no longer working, modify and or make a new one to accomodate your current situation... and follow through with your action plan!


In life we can always expect the unexpected, however, these unexpected challenges do not need to stop us from living empowred. In these moments, grab your blinders, earplugs and create an action plan to follow and you will feel more prepared to handle the issues that you face. 

A part of My Story

Posted on August 9, 2016 at 12:05 AM Comments comments (0)

Creating a better life for you starts with change and it is not always easy!

I know what it is like to feel powerless, stuck- knowing where I would like to be in life but not knowing how to get there and many others can relate to these challenges as well. I have gone from a woman trying to make everyone else happy so much that I was unhappy to now living as an empowered woman who constantly moves toward her vision with passion and purpose.


First of all, let me just say: I never knew there could be a process or a set way to be an empowered visionary woman or even what it meant to have a vision or to be empowered! I fell right into the “American Dream” of being a wife and mom to 6 wonderful kids.

I put aside my interests, isolated myself from friends and family and in doing so, even gave up my identity as an individual. . I was just barely getting through the day to go to sleep and wake up the next day just to do it all again. After about 15 years of living this way, I needed a change.

 

I wanted something better for myself and put a plan into action. My first step was attending an Empowerment conference!


Then something interesting happened. The positive changes in my life were so evident that I soon had friends and family members asking me to show them how they could live that way as well.

 

In fact, other previous attendees have had these same results in their life too!


I was excited about the opportunity to share what I have learned and help other women to have the confidence to step into their own greatness and live an empowered visionary life.

I really enjoyed working with other women, and I got a lot out of the process. In fact, I became so passionate with working with others in making changes that I became a certified Parent Coach and Empowerment Life Coach.

For about 3 years, I facilitated women's conferences with 100% positive results to all who attended. This was great and fulfilling, however,  in the process of helping others, I discovered there still was and is and will always be more to do in my own life.


Expanding and growing as a person is one of the characteristics of being alive.


There is no "set and forget" magic formula to being empowered! Here are a few key aha facts I am more aware of as I continue to grow and change. 

 

  • Each of us have a God given purpose for living
  • Growth takes time, effort and commitment 
  • There will be people in life that do not understand - and that is ok
  • Each of us can chose to live empowered ... every day
  • Successfully living to your full potential depends on your mindset
  • Doing your best in each situation is the best you can do - so do your best in everything you do 
  • Be thankful for who you are, how far you have come and who you are becoming 
  • Appreciate the people in your life 


So here's to learning how to soar in life - empowered as God intended us to live! 

 


 


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